Counseling — Mirror. Offer. Wait. 🍷
Systemic counselling for people navigating contradictory situations and systems. Together, we look at what is happening — and which options you have.
Du sprichst kein Englisch? Ich biete Beratung auch auf Deutsch.
Does this sound familiar?
You leave a conversation with a strange feeling in your gut.
Maybe you feel like you weren't understood. Maybe you were told you're too sensitive. Maybe you start wondering whether you're too much. Too difficult. Or somehow “wrong in the head.”
Later, you keep replaying the conversation.
What did I say?
What could I have said differently?
Did I misunderstand something?
Sometimes it doesn't stay in your head.
The thought of the conversation makes you nauseous. Your hands shake. You feel dizzy. You lie awake at night.
And still, you wonder:
What did I do wrong?
Sometimes we meet people who make us start questioning ourselves.
Maybe they tell you that you matter to them — while at the same time, you learn to make yourself smaller to keep the relationship working.
At some point, expressing yourself more clearly, explaining yourself more calmly, or trying to be even more understanding may no longer be enough.
Sometimes the contradiction isn't in your words.
Sometimes the contradiction is in the system itself.
Maybe someone tells you:
“Be honest with me.”
And then uses your honesty against you.
Or:
“You can tell me when something bothers you.”
But as soon as you do, you're difficult, ungrateful, or too sensitive.
Speak up, and it's wrong.
Stay quiet, and that's wrong too.
Gregory Bateson and other Cyberneticists studied these kinds of contradictory relationship patterns. They developed the concept of the “Double Bind.”
There are situations in which no words can satisfy all the contradictory rules at the same time.
And then the question begins to change.
Not only:
What could I have done differently?
But:
How can I deal with this contradiction without losing myself in the process?
Maybe the contradiction is not yours to hold
A contradiction can tell us something about the system in which it emerges.
The more interesting question is:
Which part of it actually belongs to you?
What becomes possible when you stop trying to resolve every contradiction?
What capacity becomes available?
What actions become thinkable?
What relationships become possible? What dreams? What future?
Maybe change isn't about finally finding the right answer.
Maybe it begins with being able to choose more freely again.
This is where I can work with you
I offer systemic counselling for people navigating contradictory situations and systems.
Together, we look at questions like:
- What is actually happening here?
- Which patterns keep repeating?
- What is your responsibility — and what isn't?
- What options do you have?
I won't tell you what to do.
I bring questions, perspectives, and my experience with contradictory systems.
What you do with that is up to you. It's your life, not mine.
How does it work?
You send me a few sentences about what's on your mind.
Then we talk and look at your situation together. I observe. I ask questions. I offer alternative perspectives.
Maybe you'll want to continue afterwards. Maybe one conversation is enough. Maybe it isn't a good fit.
We'll find out. Together.
What does it cost?
The first conversation is free. Always.
During my systemic counselling training from 2025 to 2027, I work on a voluntary donation basis. 50€. 20€. 0€.
From 2027, my regular rate will be 150€ per hour.
Tell me what works for you. Then we'll see together what's possible.
What happens if you write to me?
You don't have to explain your entire situation. A few sentences are enough.
I'll get back to you, and we'll see whether an initial conversation feels like a good fit for both of us.
My offer is not psychotherapy and does not replace medical or psychotherapeutic treatment.
Who will you be talking to?
Hi, I'm Alex.
Mid-30s, non-binary (dey/dem), neurodivergent (AuDHD), systemic practitioner, mathematician, techie, and freelance communication scientist.
I studied Scientific Programming at the Supercomputing Centre Jülich and then spent 15 years working in tech. Over time, I increasingly became the person at the seam between technology, organisations, and people.
Or the Ruhrpott version:
“I was somehow always the asshole mediating between everyone.”
In 2025, I left the tech industry and began my training at the Cologne Institute for Systemic Counselling and Therapy.
Today, I combine my experience in complex systems, communication, and systemic practice.
And not only out of academic interest. I also know contradictory communication dynamics from the inside. I've experienced what can happen when, at some point, it becomes unclear what is actually happening.
If you're looking for someone to tell you what to do, I'm probably the wrong person.
If you want to explore together what is actually happening here and what options you have, we can talk.